


To Be Believed

by queenofthedorkside



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Love/Hate, first gen, jily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4865444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofthedorkside/pseuds/queenofthedorkside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James POV. James tries to ask out Lily for precisely the 64th time - not knowing how much he's hurting her with the embarrassment.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Plan #64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James POV. James tries to ask out Lily for precisely the 64th time - not knowing how much he's hurting her with the embarrassment.

"Look, James, I really think this is a bad idea." 

The Maurauders were sprawled in cushy chairs close to the staircase, waiting for Lily to come down and patrol with Remus, her fellow Head of House, who was currently doing his best to talk James out of making a complete fool of himself for the umpteenth time. He was, as usual, failing. Miserably.

James Potter's most recent attempt - Plan #64 - to woo Lily Evans was as follows:

 

* * *

 

Step 1. Buy flowers.

Step 2. Give them to Her in front of everyone in Gryffindor common room. 

Step 3. She will feel so awkward that She will do anything (including agreeing to go on a date with him) to get him out of Her way.

* * *

 

 

Over the three years of _James Loves Lily_ , Step 3 had changed quite a bit. It had started out as "Will fall madly in love and will immediately snog," but that was optimistic, to say the least.

Remus had been protesting Plan #64 since Thursday, when James had first concocted it. However, Remus seemed to be the only one who felt this way. James had just read  _King Arthur_ in order to impress Her with his knowledge of Muggles, and had, unfortunately, discovered chivalry. Sirius was excited for another entertaining episode of  _James Loves Lily_ , and Peter just sided with the majority.

"Shut it, Moony, this one's gonna work.  _I can feel it._ "

"Are you sure that's not just your blue -"

"Shut up, Sirius!" James hissed, "She's coming down the stairs." 

He then proceeded to jump up and scurry over to the bottom of the staircase, as casually as he could.

"Lily!" he beamed at hear, thrusting the similarly-named flowers at her.

She sidestepped him quickly, attempting to squeeze past and reach Remus. She was making a very annoyed face at him, and he looked back at her sympathetically, mouthing, "Sorry."

James blocked her. Lily was now trapped in the center of the Maurauders' four armchairs.

"But ... lilies ..." James said weakly, offering the flowers again.

"Thanks, mate, but I really don't need some muddy dead flowers you pulled from the Muggle Studies Greenhouse."  She sidestepped him again, this time to the right, doing her best attempt to be polite through her ever-increasing frustration. Remus was now silently laughing, and she frowned angrily, dragging a hand through her hair to calm herself.

A sneaky hand pushed a tendril behind her ear, and she snapped.

"Piss _off_ , Potter!"

Lily shoved her way past James, pressing the flowers he'd brought into his chest. She noticed the rest of Gryffindor common room watching the spectacle unfold, and seemed to grow even more frustrated. She turned back to him, glaring, her eyes becoming ever more steely as he relished the attention. She opened her mouth to yell at him a bit more -

"You're so pretty when you blush, y'know, Evans. You get all red and splotchy."

This pushed her off the edge. Seething, she swiftly exited the room, as everyone else dissolved into laughter, the Marauders particularly loudly. The door began to swing shut, but right before it closed, she popped her head in one last time. She stared at James, and the room silenced once more as she slowly pointed her wand at him.

"Now, hold on Evans, be reasonable - "

" _Engorgio skullus_ ," she spat. "There, now you have a head that can fit all your hot air." And, with that, she flounced from the room, slamming the door behind her.

Everyone turned to watch as the jinx began working on James, swelling his skull to ridiculous proportions. The walls were shaking with the students' screeches, and the only one who didn't join in was James himself, whose eyes widened, and not just with the jinx. 

"Damn, I forgot my wand upstairs - what the  _actual bloody hell_ is this jinx? - will you -  _Sirius_ \- can't somebody - oi, shut it! - just - "

"Oh, calm down, James," Remus said lazily, flicking his wand at his friend's head. It began to deflate, hissing like a balloon, and James could feel cold air on his neck. 

"Yeah, honestly," Sirius giggled, wiping a tear from his eye, "you look real pretty too, you're even splotchier."


	2. Bring the Wall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily POV - Lily hates it when James embarrasses her like this, asking her out so publicly. And it's only getting worse.

The door slammed behind her. The Fat Lady was telling her off, she could hear it, but the ringing in her ears blocked out the noise.

She dragged a hand across her face, sniffling quietly to herself. Even the portrait shut up when she realized Liily was crying, and she hated it. Lily hated crying in front of people, and because of a boy too.

_A stupid, idiotic boy._

At first, she’d been just as amused as everybody else, if a little mortified. Fourth year, sure, she’d been flattered that a boy as pureblood and popular and cool as James Potter was flirting with her, but that was it. Just flattered, and amused. She’d thought it was a joke. She’d never been interested in him, and when she’d rejected him she thought that it’d stop. And it hadn’t. Every time she turned him down, he came back, louder, longer, more drawn-out and public than the last time. It wasn’t funny anymore.

The door pushed open again, and she jumped back, wiping her eyes and sniffling hurriedly. She could hear the raucous laughter coming from inside, and didn’t even feel happy. She was still so embarrassed, so angry about this whole damn situation.

Remus cautiously poked his head out, and rightly so: she’d whipped out her wand again, raising her arm and hoping the flickering candles didn’t show her face well enough for him to tell she’d been crying over this.

“Alright, Lily?” he said gently.

“I thought you were going to talk to him,” she said, hating the way her voice trembled.

“I swear, I did.”

Her eyes widened. “And he’s going to keep doing it?”

“Yeah. He didn’t believe me, I think. He thinks he can wear you down, and get you so annoyed with him that you’ll do anything to make it stop.”

“God. He thinks he can irritate me into going on a date with him?”

“Yeah.”

She slumped. “I’m not even annoyed anymore. I’m _furious_. Bloody hell, Remus, he knows how much I hate this attention.”

“Lily - ”

“I guess he thinks that if I won’t say yes, at least he can punish me for it.”

“That’s not - ”

She sighed, and straightened up. “Let’s just start rounds.” She started walking down the corridor, barely slowing down to wait for Remus. He sped up, slightly taller than her, and they walked side by side in tense silence for a few minutes.

“Lily,” he began again gently, “Do you want to pop down to the kitchens for a bit when we pass the staircases?”

“Alright,” she said indifferently.

Half an hour later found them sat in the midst of  a veritable house elf stampeded, as the two were bombarded with masses of different treats. After a heaping bowl of her favourite almond tart, Lily seemed to soften a bit; and by the time she’d emptied the hot chocolate Remus had mixed a generous amount of Butterbeer in, her cheeks were rosy and her smile had teeth in it once more. As they left, to a beaming chorus of “Thank you, sir and miss!”, they were able to chat easily again.

“Look, Remus,” Lily cut in, her face growing serious as they completed their last circuit round the third floor, “I want to apologize for how I acted before. I know I’m asking a lot of you, James is one of your best mates, and you’re not the one I’m angry at anyway.”

“And I’ll talk to him. I’m sure he doesn’t meant to hurt you, but in any case it’s not okay.”

“Thank you, mate.” The gratefulness in her expression only served to make him feel even guiltier. As they climbed through the portal, Remus felt even more determined to stop James. He opened his mouth to apologize again, but she spoke before he had a chance.

“I should probably talk to him myself, shouldn’t I? I’m being such a coward.”

Her words shocked him so much that he stopped dead in his tracks, caught in the same, now-empty circle or chairs Lily had been trapped in not a few hours before.

“You’re not a coward, Lily. You deserve better than this.”

“Do you actually think that, Rem? I just … some of the girls say the most awful things to me. That I should feel lucky a pureblood likes me. That James has terrible taste. That he just wants to shag me and throw me away, like the piece of -” Her voice broke, and she started sobbing into her hands. Remus wrapped his arms around her, holding her as she cried. “And of course, Alice never says anything like that, but I can’t help but worry if - she - maybe feels the same way. _God_.”

“Lily, I promise you, the people who don’t think that are the only people worth knowing. And Alice is one of them. Frank wouldn’t be head over heels for some jealous gossipy witch, would he?” She giggled wetly. He let go to look at her, and she straightened, wiping her eyes and sniffling hurriedly. “And I will talk to him. Tomorrow, and not a day after. This has got to end.”

She smiled at him, hugged him again briefly, and said: “I hope things work out for you. God knows you deserve it.”

“What do you mean, things? What things?”

She smiled vaguely, confused. As she started walking up to the girls’ dormitory, she turned back and said, clearly, “You know, things with Sirius.” And with that, she strolled up to bed.

Remus was left spluttering to nobody in the quiet of the empty common room.

 

 


	3. The Penny Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings and drama, tension, oh my! Remus tells James that he needs to stop bothering Lily. James is v upset. James POV.

“Come on, Remus,” Peter whined. “I’m _starving_.”

“Look, you and Sirius go on ahead, I’ve got to talk with James.”

Sirius looked at him questioningly, and he averted his eyes. James watched from his bed, in the midst of getting his shoes on, and wondered what was happening. For fifteen minutes, Remus had stalled, trying to get James alone to talk, and the tower had slowly emptied. James’ morning routine was, to put it kindly, thorough.

The two boys left, Peter practically dragging Sirius downstairs. The door closed behind them, and Remus kept his gaze trained on it.

“What’s up, Moony?”

“So, erm, I guess …” He trailed off, a hand going to rub the back of his neck. James noticed the tips of his ears getting red, and he realized what was going on, surprised.

“Moony,” he began cautiously, “Is this what I think it’s about?”

“Yeah,” he replied, turning around gratefully. “Please don’t make me say it.”

“Well, I’ve kind of known for a while. It’s fine. I’m so happy you’re finally admitting it to yourself.”

“Uh … What?”

“You know,” James continued gently, “Your thing.”

“What thing? My thing?” Remus’ eyes glanced downward, confused.

“Your thing … for … Sirius.” He looked at the other boy kindly, his eyebrows raised.

“What?!” Remus shrieked, flapping his hands around as though to force the words James had said out of the room. “No, I didn’t mean that - not that there is a - anyways - I mean - I _mean_ \- the way you treat Lily! Merlin!”

Remus shoved his thumb in his mouth, chewing on the nail as he turned even redder than before. There was a brief pause. The silence was huge, filling the room, and the boys could hear the common room door swing shut behind the last of the stragglers. The sound echoed the feeling in James’ stomach as it dropped, and Remus stood silently reddening as the two avoided eye contact. They were the only ones left in Gryffindor.

A heartbeat later, and they broke the silence.

“What d’you mean, my thing -”

“What’s wrong with how I treat -”

They closed their mouths. James rubbed the back of his neck, feeling how hot he was getting. His palms were slick, and he looked away again. A few seconds passed, and Remus spoke up.

“James … You know how … I mean … With Lily and I both being …” He shuffled his weight, coughed, and tried again, more steadily. “You’ve got to stop, mate.”

“Stop what?”

“What you’re doing to Lily.” Their eyes met, hesitant. James saw something solidify in the other boy’s face, and suddenly he was sitting down next to him. “She thinks that you’re trying to hurt her, since you know she won’t say yes.”

“Hurt… her?” His voice dropped to a whisper. He squeezed the sheets, turning away from Remus.

“Yeah. And - and I know that’s not what you’re trying to do, but it’s what you’re doing.” James turned back, feeling empty. “You can’t keep doing this to her. It’s not right.”

“No. It’s not.” James could barely get the words out. “Rem, I’m so sorry you got caught up in this. I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not.” The certainty in Remus’ voice only cut him deeper. “But you’ve been acting like one. You’re going to stop, right?”

“God, yes.” That much he knew. He was reeling, floating in a fog he’d led himself into, and he was lost. He held onto the pathetically small hope that, at least, at the very very least, he could stop this hurt he caused Lily. Even if it was one he was the only source of.

_God._

James felt Remus’ arm on his shoulder briefly, and he hated himself for needing him. When he got up, he didn’t turn to him; when he walked to the door, he kept his eyes trained on the far wall; when it opened quietly, and closed just the same, he lowered his face to the ground. He heard in the silence the common room doors shut, and with the knowledge that he was alone, he let himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all the people who've come back for round (chapter) 3! Stick around for more! And, eventually, plot resolution. Gosh. I know I take forever to get anything done, plot-wise. Sorry. :/


	4. Potions Class

James stirred his potion, blowing a strand of hair out of his face as he counted. The mixture seemed slightly too dark, but at least it wasn’t making that smell coming out of Longbottom’s. He checked the picture again, his eyes flitting back and forth as he compared the two. Finally, he shrugged, and added the juiced frog eyes.

Lily noticed all of this out of the corner of her eye, distracted from her work by the fact that he was not distracted from his. Normally, by now he’d have sent at least two paper airplanes her way, charmed to refold into a heart that would light on fire or some nonsense. _This_ , this new way he had been acting, it was jarring.

_She loved it._

Her potion, untainted with ash, was bubbling nicely at just the right color. Binns had given her an O on her paper on dragon taming in the 15th century. Severus hadn’t tried to curse her in the middle of the staircase this week. It had been marvellous.

He was being nice to her. Sure, he held the door open for her a bit unnecessarily, but that was it. He was being _friendly_. He was getting to know her. Most importantly, he was leaving her alone. He wasn’t following her into Zonko’s every other weekend. He wasn’t constantly asking to be her partner in transfiguration, and then turning her freckles green half an hour later because she said no. He wasn’t acting like a spoilt child anymore.

“Miss Evans!”

“Oh, damnit!” she whispered, fanning the flame under her cauldron. “Sorry, Professor Slughorn. I must’ve gotten distracted with the lacewing extract reduction.”

He smiled, patting his stomach a bit. “Distracted, you say?” Winking all too clearly, he walked away chuckling.

Her tight smile faded into a grimace, and she went back to muttering abuses under her breath: at the flame, the potion, Slughorn …

“Lily, calm down.” Alice stared daggers at her purply result. “Don’t let him ruffle your feathers. Your potion’s practically better than the example.”

Five minutes later, she bottled the green elixir that was just a hair away from perfect, trudging back to her table and wringing the towel angrily.

“Jeez, Lily,” James said as he cleared his own materials away. “If you’re going to plot murder, try not to make your weapon of choice so obvious.”

“Shut it, James.”

He chortled, calmly wiping off the crumbs at his station and turning away from her. After he and Remus left, she relaxed, letting herself smile again in surprise. He would never have given up a conversation with her so quickly. He would never lose a chance to talk to her, to stare at her. Today, he’d sat in front of her. It was a relief. To no longer feel under the microscope. To no longer have to fight her way out of his vision. Maybe, now, she could finally get to know the boy everyone seemed to like so much. Not yet, though.

 


	5. Herbology Kills

“Damn him!” Sirius cried, slamming his book shut. Miss Pince glared at him so fiercely, Sirius seemed to cower in a distinctly canine fashion. “Damn him,” he whispered again, in case anyone in the quiet library had missed it. He was referring to the vicious Potions essay they’d received from Slughorn two weeks previous, and one James had somehow manage to finish before the very last minute. Remus smirked, keeping his eyes trained on the page. James turned back to his essay, trying to remember what the third use of Mandrakes was.

He soon felt like joining Sirius, unable to find a single answer in his supposed _Everything You Need to Know About Magical Plants_. He stood up, stretched his legs, and went resignedly back to the Herbology shelves, which were beginning to become all too familiar to him.

He finally settled on _100 and 1 Species: Herbology Essentials for the Advanced Gardener_ , standing up and hitting his head on someone’s outstretched arm.

“Ow!

“Damnit!”

He turned to see Lily rubbing her forearm, and clinging to a battered copy of _Sprout, Shoot, Seedling, Herbs of Every Type_.

After an almost nonexistent pause, they started.

“This paper is killer, isn’t it?”

“I’ve gotten two uses, but I cannot find -”

“Shh!”

Miss Pince shot them a look from her desk, and they both closed their mouths and looked away. He gestured weakly at her book.

She lifted her eyebrows. “I know, but I’m desperate.”

“Same. I have two uses, but I can’t find a third.”

She looked at him hesitantly. “Maybe when I’m done, we can take a look at each others’?”

He smiled weakly. “Thanks, Evans, but … maybe next time? Remus said he’d help, and I think he might take offense if I go to another Head about it.”

She nodded seriously. “Of course. Wouldn’t want to offend my fellow Head.”

They giggled for a moment before Miss Pince gestured at them aggressively once more.

“Better go, before she actually kills one of us,” James said.

She smiled at him, and they turned and walked away.


	6. Getting By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~with a little help from my friends~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marlene! Alice! Friendship! Happiness!   
> Thanks to everyone for coming back. I know this took me forever. Sorry.

Lily trudged up the stairs to the dormitory. It was a Monday at 6 pm, and she was ready to start on her next case of Butterbeer, hidden in her stash of sweets that she'd charmed to be invisible to anyone but her. She had two essays to finish, a chart to complete, a map to draw up, and besides that she had to Transfigure a sand-dollar into an actual American dollar for the next day. Why Muggle Studies and Transfiguration merged together for this project, she had no idea; however, she knew for a fact that it made her want to tear her eyes out, considering that she had to Transfigure the sand dollar something she had never actually seen before, seeing as she had lived in Sheffield her entire life.  _ Uuuuugh. _

She plopped on her bed, strewing her satchel over the comforter, then bending over and rummaging under the bed for the bottles of magical drink. She sat down, looking at the books sprawled across the blanket, and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

 

One-and-a-half essays and three sugary bottles later, Lily looked up at the sound of stomping feet coming up the stairs. 

“Look, Mar, I appreciate what you were trying to do, but I really didn’t ask for you to butt in -”

“Butt in? I was just helping!”

“I don’t need your help!”

“Why can’t you just thank me like a normal person?”

“Why do you need to stick your nose in other peoples’ business?”

“There wouldn’t  _ be _ any business without me!”

“And you think that’s a bad thing?”

They had come up the stairs, slamming the door shut behind them; the two girls were staring each other down, breathing heavily. Marlene opened her mouth to say something.

“Look,” Lily said, “I’m sure whatever you’re having a row about is important, but could you maybe have it somewhere else?”

The two started.

“Sorry, Lil,” Alice said, “I didn’t even realise you were here.”

“Yeah, sorry, love. We came up here because Alice was feeling bad about disrupting everyone downstairs.” 

“Well, excuse me for trying to be a considerate person - ” 

“Calm down, you bloody Hufflepuff - ”

“Guys!” They continued glaring at each other. “What are you even fighting about, anyways?”

“We-ell -” Marlene sung.

“Don’t - just - let me tell the story.” 

Marlene crossed her arms, huffed her bangs out of her face and looked at her expectantly. “Well? Go on, then.”

Alice closed her mouth, turning to Lily with a blush creeping across her cheeks.

“Erm, well, so, you see - uh - FrankaksedmeoutandsoIkindasaidyes.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Frank asked her out! I  _ told  _ you he fancied you. I was so right! Ahh!!!”

“Thanks, Mar.”

They seemed to have completely forgotten about the row. Alice was smiling, shrugging a little and running a hand through her dark brown hair. Marlene was jumping from bed to bed, singing. 

“What are you gonna do on your date?” Lily said.

She said down gently on the end of Lily’s bed, leaning against the corner pole. “I dunno. Maybe we could go to Madam Puddifoot’s?”

Marlene stopped, mid-chorus, glancing at her with a look of mock-horror. “That’s soooo boring!” 

Alice swatted her flying hands out of her face. “It’s not like you have any better ideas!” She cut Marlene off before she could reply. “And, no, a quickie behind the Quidditch pitch isn’t a better idea.”

“Wow, Alice. I was  _ so _ not going to say that.” Marlene hopped onto Lily’s bed as well, causing several papers to fly into the air. “What I was  _ going  _ to suggest, before you oh-so-rudely interrupted me,” she continued, offhandedly summoning the papers back into a neat stack on Lily’s pillow, “was a nice romp in the prefects’ loos. I’ve been there, and I can vouch that it’s the nicest place for a romantic shag on campus. You’ve got the bubbles, and the different temperatures for the water, and the massage vents - though I reckon you’d want to do that a bit more manually - ”

“Oh, stop it.” Alice shoved her gently, her blush now a flaming red.

“Okay, okay …”

Lily cut in. “But actually? If you want, I can give you the password.”

“Oh my! What rule-breaking, and from a Head! My stars!” Marlene had finished performing the sticking charm Lily’s papers, and resumed jumping on her bed. She punctuated each interjection with a heavy hop. “I have - never - heard such - lack - of - discipline!”

Alice snorted into her hand, and with a meaningful look at Lily, they jumped on Marlene, tackling her to the mattress. In a matter of seconds, the room erupted into screams of laughter as they pummelled each other with pillows, feathers and papers flying around the room in a storm, and in that moment the hearts in their chests seemed just as light, floating quickly through the air.


End file.
